Breadcrumbs (aka Finding My Way Back)

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[Word count: 221. Approximate read time: 1 minute]

My writing output has dropped to near zero in the last quarter. Around November/December 2013, I was extremely depressed and dealing with heavy family and personal issues. But those resolved nicely just in time for me to meet an exceptional woman in January. I won’t say I “fell in love.” Say I got vacuumed into it. After whirling around inside her turbulent machinery for a couple months, I found myself ejected, scratched up, dizzy, and disoriented. I’m still figuring out which end is up.

The purpose of Junkyard Salvation was to be a proverbial trail of breadcrumbs if I ever got lost—which I currently am. Ideally, it would track my journey away from (and possibly back into) church. But as I look at the trail I’ve left, the words don’t seem to resonate to me. I forgot what I was talking about, and I need to re-focus the scope of this blog.

So if I’ve written anything that spoke to you, illuminated you, angered you, encouraged you, made you double check your facts, or otherwise stuck with you… please leave a comment below letting me know what it was.

It’ll help me find my way back. Please and thanks.

***

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29 thoughts on “Breadcrumbs (aka Finding My Way Back)

  1. Dear “junkyardsalvation”:

    U had me at “junkyardsalvation”!!

    What a completely theologically sound and creative name for what we all endure in our faith as believers in Jesus Christ.

    Your struggle is honest and heartfelt, & your clever, witty, condescending, jaded, and eloquent approach makes me smirk & nod my head at the same time.

    I am a fan of you cadence, & “I had a king once” was my introduction to your clever approach. I’ve been a fan ever since.

    Then my next favs became:

    “what do you do when that disappoints”

    “Going back to my ex”

    “gifts wrap and gave me 1&2″

    Therefore dear friend, you must continue to write. You must continue to fight. You are the pastor of “junkyardsalvation cogic ame & whatever else. What will we do if you arent honest enough & use your eloquence to say all the things that we feel and can’t.

    Take some time to do some introspection… Then come back with life for us all.

    Singed,
    junkyardsalvation member 77

    • Awww, thank you so much!! I really forgot all about “I Had a King Once.” And thank you for the friendly wake-up slap that we all need from time to time. Must. Continue. To. Fight.

      You’re right. Thank you again. Truly.

      MC

  2. I enjoyed “4 Ways Christians Can Cope With Gay Marriage”. I know what it’s like to feel lost and using writing to find your way back. Keep it up!

  3. You had me at Junkyard Salvation. What a profound, creative, and wholly original idea — it speaks volumes! Your blog highlights just how personal faith is, can, and should be. It deals with the uneasy questions, the ‘established truths’, the complete uncertainty of faith itself, and the uncomfortable relation between faith and our humanity. This alone resonates with me and, dare I say, the majority of people. It reads as REAL.

    I can’t say there is one post that stands out to me, but each post, in its own way, speaks to me. And I am thankful. I do apologize for not having vision enough to realize your diminished output may have been because you were dealing with very real things in your very real life. Apologies, my friend. It’s just that… I LOVE ME SOME GOOD WRITIN’! *clears throat* But in going forth, I hope that when moved to do so, you write — not entirely because of my selfishness, but because I believe you would be walking in your purpose.

    In the words of Bruce Lee, “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” (I believe in you!)

    P.S. ‘…whirling around inside her turbulent machinery…’ makes me giggle. ;)

    • Hey friend!

      No worries here. Rest assured that I already had every intention to get back to blogging, but couldn’t quite get into it like trying to jump into double dutch. Every writing attempt seemed to end with me getting smacked by a rope. But a sincere thank you for letting me know anyone cared about these entries besides me. It did give the jump start I neeeded. Nothing but gratitude to you! (And “turbulenet machinery” made me do an immature snicker too, so you’re not alone.)

      God bless!
      MC

  4. Ever hear a song called “Dear God” by XTC? The leader, Andy Partridge, is a brilliant writer who questions his belief in God to the extreme in this song. I don’t know why I thought of it now right after reading your blog, but I did, so I’m telling you about it. Everything I’ve read of yours has been either inspiring, illuminating, though-provoking, enriching, or some combo of these. I’d say you haven’t gotten off track. If this blog is about your journey away from the church, then it could be about just about anything in the world except “churchy” things, which it is. Sometimes it feels like we’re off track, or it feels dull or lackluster, but it feels very real…..that’s just the way this life is sometimes. From another person’s point of view, it’s not real at all, and that’s why I’m glad you reached out….to hear from others’ perspectives. I hope this helps a bit. And for what it’s worth, just keep writing. Peace. :)
    Michael Mishaw

    • Thanks, Michael. Maybe I just started to worship the rhythm and momentum I got into (a post every two weeks or so). Maybe this was God’s way of knocking even that idol off its pedestal. I appreciate the encouragement, guy. Have a great day!

      MC

      • Hmmm, I guess there are different ways of looking at it. Maybe you were simply enjoying sticking to the commitment you made with yourself to post on your blog regularly. You probably don’t call it idolatry when you show up for work consistently to slave for someone else. Give yourself a little break. :)

  5. Well from my very trying perspective on faith I must encourage you, brother, to keep purging your thoughts to insight conversation about the very thing we both struggle with – our faith system. I have suffered and survived a monumental physical pain experience in my brain which is unfortunately still evidenced in my physical appearance. What used to be a proud and frankly sexy stride is now and has been for the past 7 years a pimp walk.

    God being all powerful and wanting only great things for us has through my blood, sweat and many tears, still been radio silent on my physical blessing. That is annoying and I have taught myself to ignore it.

    Your faith struggle is not only interesting to read, but also very relational on a global scale. You are not alone. It’s just that most folks won’t admit it and continue to attend church going through the motions like sheep. Your posts mostly about Robin Hill are powerful. I can only hope that our current favorite author Anne Lamott finds her way to your cyber pages through the breadcrumbs you are leaving for us all!

    Regarding your blogging, keep it up man!

    • Fabulous Dale. It’s awesome to know I’m not alone here. I got quiet, then it seemed like everybody else got quiet too. I started to freak out like I was suddenly the last man on Earth. There’s some truth greater than us even when we don’t make sense. Thanks for helping me get back about the business of finding it. And I think it would do me good to re-read an Anne Lamott book— or even pick up a new one. Must look into this…

      Love,
      MC

  6. Man, please don’t stop writing. When I read your blog, it makes me feel like I’m not crazy or I’m not alone, or maybe I am crazy, but you are too lololol. I love the fact that you challenge everything. I’ve always loved this one http://junkyardsalvation.com/2013/12/16/let-them-eat-cake-how-to-fail-at-christianity/ I mean, I’m all about “faith” and “speaking those things” but sometimes “it stinks” and “it hurts” and “I don’t understand” and at times it’s hard to converse with other believers because they don’t allow themselves to “feel”. I love P-Heir’s blog http://junkyardsalvation.com/2013/08/19/what-do-you-do-when-god-disappoints/ I think you should have him contribute more.

    “Stop Making Sense” made so much sense to me. I think people that are analytical or intellectual tend to want immediate results. “I gather the data, put the data through the algorithm, and BOOM = my result. It shouldn’t be hard, and most times our faith walks are the direct opposite of that. It’s indeed chronically frustrating, although I do like poetry, songwriting, and the big REVEAL too.

    The mere fearlessness you have to even journal/blog your journey is a blessing to me. If we’re all honest, many of us have been, or are currently in that same space.

    • This is a Jerry Maguire moment. And you had me at:

      “When I read your blog, it makes me feel like I’m not crazy or I’m not alone.”

      But on top of that, I didn’t think people really got “Stop Making Sense.” I knew what I was trying to say, but I didn’t think I quite hit it out of the park with the writing. It makes me beam that somebody got it regardless. Thanks a million, Ev. And if you ever need somebody to set and be crazy with? I got you.

      God bless, man!
      MC

  7. Your post on forgiveness is one that I have had bookmarked ever since i first read it, so that I could come back and reread when I need to.

    Worship, Unconscious spoke to me. “And if it was your God, what would you do?”

    And, of course, How Titties Almost Got Me Saved. #becausetitties

    I love all of your writing, but these were the first ones to come to mind. I hope the breadcrumbs in these comments help you find your way back to where you need to be.

    • Thank you, Sarah. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson good enough that I never have to go through anything else like what made me write that in the first place. So I’m glad this one counted for me and for you too. Thanks also for fighting through all the technical difficulties just to leave a comment. I am grateful!!!

      (and #becausetitties will never stop being funny. Would you be mad if I added you and your friend’s T-shirt pic to the end of the article? LOL)

  8. Doc. I am definitely not one to disparage anyone else about lack of consistency in writing. You’re basically singing my life. As I’ve told you before, your writing sits awkwardly between sad and hilarious. Life through this lens is surprisingly very relatable and engaging. Please continue with your transparency and self-deprecation. It’s authentic.

    I’m also anxious to hear more about this woman. We’ll talk offline.

    Love you man!
    Numbers 6:24-27.

  9. It took me a minute to really reflect and think… had to let it bubble to the surface…

    Just about every post of yours teaches, enlightens, or trains me in some way… (even ones with female genitalia in the title- lol).

    But I think the best… particularly for where you are now… would be the “Gifts Robin Gave To Me”duology. In my opinion that was the point of transfer. You were living and blogging and then that happened and- while you kept blogging- you changed trains and didn’t even realize it.

    It was so eye opening.

    Revisit that as well twin.

  10. I can’t eem front…my favorite post on here was about “how titties almost got you saved”! So much realness, and jokes in that post. Overall, most everything I’ve read here resonates with me on somr level, even if it takes a while.

    My hope is that as you re-read your words, and the comments especially, you’d find whatever it is you feel that’s missing and it’d springboard you into the next level of writing and seeking the truth.

    Godspeed good sir.

    • Hahahaha! That was a fun day. And at the very least, when I don’t know what else to do, I still go back to “just keep inviting Jesus into your heart.” This makes all the side eye I’ve gotten for that post worth it! Thanks, DG!

      Peace!

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